As 2020 gets underway, The Ghost of Lord Denning brings you his alternative predictions.

Happy New Year, judges!

The new decade gets underway with a shock announcement by Prime Minister Boris Johnson that the Supreme Court will be turned into the UK’s “first truly online court”. In a symbolic move designed to appeal to new northern Tory voters, the justices are immediately relocated from Westminster in the middle of the night by Megabus to a video conferencing suite on the outskirts of Workington. The old London Supreme Court building is quietly sold to a shell company registered in the Cayman Islands, which begins work on repurposing it to create 12 luxury flats aimed at the oligarch market. Boris and Carrie purchase three on a buy-to-let basis, alongside leading individuals including Prince Andrew and Vladimir Putin.

“In no way is the new Online Upper Court of the People, proudly located in Workington, revenge on judges for declaring my proroguing of parliament was unlawful, folks, this is simply about levelling up the greatest nation in the world!” says Johnson.

Meanwhile, the Labour Party leadership contest is hotting up, with late-entering candidate Jolyon Maugham QC proving an unlikely hit among members. Maugham’s fusion of the progressive (as symbolised in his openness to sports regarded as non-traditional in the UK, such as baseball) with a respect for more traditional past-times (such as fox-hunting, albeit conducted for humane reasons only in a safe space environment) cuts through as a motif for a re-imagined ‘New New Labour’. The high profile barrister sweeps to a landslide victory against fellow lawyer Rebecca Long-Bailey in the contest’s final round.

As the year goes on, worries about Brexit intensify, as trade talks between the UK and the EU become mired in acrimony. Donald Trump’s re-election as US president adds to business leaders’ anxieties as he celebrates the start of his second term with a round of draconian tariffs — against the EU and the UK. “I love the British People of England, and I love Her Majesty The Queen, which is why the Royal Family will be exempt from the new tariffs!” exclaims the President proudly.

The new Hong Kong?

As international deal-flows dry up, City of London law firms anxiously look elsewhere for work. Slaughter and May closes its Hong Kong office and opens up in Grimbsy, home of the UK’s first Freeport, with other top firms following suit. Fishing law becomes the unlikely hot practice area of 2021. But the fishing boom horrifies the increasingly militant vegan wing within Maugham’s Labour Party, whose tolerance of fox-hunting conducted on a strictly progressive basis within safe spaces finally snaps. The Party collapses once more into factional warfare and Maugham is forced out. He is immediately snapped up by Facebook as Nick Clegg’s number two.

Despite the impressive rise in fishing-related work, overall revenue and profits at UK corporate law firms fall sharply over the first few years of the decade. With criticism of government policy becoming increasingly difficult, amid fears of being branded “unpatriotic”, legal profession chiefs instead publicly focus their ire on the lawtech business, which has failed to be the efficiency-boosting silver bullet it promised. Tens of thousands of AI devices that firms could never get to work and ‘Coding for Dummies’ books are collected and recycled in the biggest ever legal CSR exercise, keeping lawyers in work-starved transactional teams busy for months. But eventually firms must face the inevitable and the layoffs begin.

Resilience is key

Fortunately, the corporate world’s newfound commitment to wellness softens the blow of the redundancies. Expensively assembled teams of life coaches, yoga experts and astrologers help lawyers to come to terms with the loss of their jobs and distressed sales of their highly mortgaged London homes. The mindfulness skills they learn also tide them through the upheaval of their relocation to small northern towns where they begin new paralegal careers at the many new state-backed outsourcing hubs set up by the government to help boost regional prosperity.

After an admittedly challenging few years, you’ll be glad to know that the decade ends on a happy note, with a trade deal finally struck between the UK and the US. Boris Johnson fulfils his promise not to sell-off the NHS to the Americans. But unfortunately there’s a catch — BoJo agrees to sell the UK legal profession instead. Building on the Supreme Court’s move to Workington, the administration of all levels of justice in England & Wales (Scotland, by the way, merged with Catalonia in 2027) is “West-Shored” to a support centre in Ohio, while the magic circle is compulsorarily purchased by a consortium of leading New York law firms. Delighted voters usher in Prime Minister Johnson for a third term.

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This week Hollywood actor Mark Wahlberg sent social media wild as he revealed his punishing daily routine.

According to his daily schedule, the ‘Transformers: The Last Knight’ star begins his day at 2:30am where he will spend most of it working out and eating until he calls it a night at 7:30pm.

A host of mock versions have since been created in response to Wahlberg’s post. Here at Legal Cheek we’ve devised our own schedule for the daily life of a law student.

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Kanye West has sensationally claimed his wife Kim Kardashian is a law student.

Appearing in an interview on Extra, an American entertainment television programme, the chart-topper told host A. J. Calloway, “my wife is in law school now, and it’s extremely serious to us”.

The rapper’s revelation over the weekend was in response to a question about Kim K’s involvement in reforms to the American prison system. The Keeping up with the Kardashians star has been using her platform to raise awareness of wrongful convictions and has met with President Trump at the White House to discuss the issue.

Great meeting with @KimKardashian today, talked about prison reform and sentencing. pic.twitter.com/uOy4UJ41JF

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 30, 2018

Praising his wife’s work, the outspoken rap artist said:

“I love it, I love it. That’s all we focus on, helping people that don’t have a voice, breaking down the class systems. There’s two million African Americans incarcerated now… We’re going to get people out, period.”

But it’s unlikely that we’ll see the beauty mogul swap bralets for books. A representative for Kardashian clarified to Extra that the businesswoman isn’t in law school, but “is so entrenched in the legal system with her activism that it is like going to law school”.

Kardashian’s law school ambitions haven’t materialised out of thin air.

Despite not possessing a university degree, the 37-year-old — whose late father Robert Kardashian was a lawyer who famously worked on OJ Simpson’s murder trial — revealed plans to do a vac scheme once her busy schedule slowed down. This followed a conversation with her lawyer, who reportedly told her, “you really should be a lawyer… You’ve got the perfect instincts, you’ve got great judgement… Will you please join my law firm?”

Readers assuming Kardashian’s intern comment was just a throwaway should consult an earlier confession made by the reality star. In an interview with Wonderland Magazine, the mother-of-three said:

“If things slow down and I had time, I really want to go to law school — just something I can do in my older age.”

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Members of the public can now go on a virtual tour of the Solicitors Disciplinary Tribunal (SDT) thanks to a new interactive online tool.

Launched this summer, the website function allows members of the public to navigate around the London tribunal’s various courts, discussion rooms and reception area. Keen to make the tour as realistic as possible, the SDT has drafted in what appear to be actors to play lawyers, court clerks, tribunal members and witnesses.

Here’s a shot of the SDT’s reception area and a lawyer signing in his tieless client.

And another of a desk and some chairs.

Some more chairs, a desk and a rather fancy looking coat stand.

Another desk and some chairs… oh, and a bin!

In a slightly more interesting shot, virtual tourers can observe a hearing in action and are invited to click a series of blue plus signs to find out more information about the key participants.

Susan Humble, who recently stepped down as the SDT’s chief executive officer, explained how the new online tool will help lawyers, and in particular those representing themselves at hearings, “to get a good feel for what to expect on the day.” She added:

“The interactive pages are easy to navigate and informative. They accurately represent the SDT as a forward-thinking, progressive organisation, focused on putting parties at their ease as part of the fair hearing process. This is just one of several planned enhancements to the website to look forward to.”

The SDT adjudicates upon the alleged misconduct of lawyers and individuals employed by solicitors. In addition to this, it decides applications by ex-solicitors seeking restoration to the roll. It currently has 46 members (32 solicitors and 14 lay members), all appointed by the Master of the Rolls.

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Education giant Kaplan is looking to recruit someone who can help it build a “comprehensive understanding” of how it will deliver the Solicitors Qualifying Exam (SQE) — just two days after it secured the contract to implement the still hazily-defined legal education reform.

Last week, Legal Cheek brought you long-awaited news that the Solicitors Regulation Authority (SRA) had selected Kaplan to administer the centralised solicitor super-exam, known formally as the SQE. The company was handed an eight-year deal from the introduction of the assessment, which could be as early as September 2020.

With the ink barely dry on the contract, Kaplan now appears to be looking for a little help in getting its head around the notoriously complex SQE, which remains in developmental phase as the profession grapples with how it should work.

Posted to The Guardian‘s job page, the ad shows the law school is looking to recruit an “SQE Contract Manager” to “build a comprehensive understanding of Kaplan’s obligations under the contract with the SRA.”

The job listing — posted two days after the SRA went public with the deal on 3 August — goes on to warn potential candidates that the role is “demanding”. Certainly that may prove to be the case, with the lack of clarity around the SQE’s final form having left many legal education experts and law firm learning & development professionals frustrated. Indeed, it’s by no means certain that the all-seeing guru that Kaplan seeks actually exists.

A spokesperson for Kaplan told Legal Cheek:

“This objective in the job description is about the person in the role of contract manager building a comprehensive understanding of the contract, which is standard wording for any manager of a large and complex contract.”

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Thankfully for those bewildered by the intricacies of legal language, barrister and resident funny man Wigapedia has made on-going efforts to decode the language of m’learned friends. Here he helps confused clients, baffled solicitors and the odd judge to work out what on earth they’re talking about.

Wigapedia (aka Colm Nugent) is a barrister at Hardwicke in Lincoln’s Inn in London.

Follow @Wigapedia

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A certain World Cup semi-final between England and Croatia in Moscow has obviously come as something of a surprise to many.

And perhaps a certain pang of pity might be felt for various chambers and law firms who organised events for 11 July safe in the knowledge that England was not likely to go beyond the group or even quarter-final round.

Elite commercial set Brick Court Chambers has risen to the challenge. Having sent out invitations some months ago for its annual party at Tate Britain this evening, it sent out a more recent reminder that “the members of chambers look forward to welcoming you to their annual party, which will include a viewing of the All Too Human: Bacon, Freud and a Century of Painting Life Exhibition AND a screening of the World Cup semi-final match between Croatia and England.”

It seems the chambers couldn’t have chosen a more aptly-named exhibition for the party and the fixture — All Too Human — should the England players not make it to the final… or if they do…

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A law student at Nottingham Trent University (NTU) has taken an alternative approach to the post-exam blow out by creating a Donoghue v Stevenson inspired snail sanctuary.

Rachael Parnham, from Grantham, Lincolnshire, purchased four giant African land snails (yes, you read that correctly) to celebrate successfully navigating year one of her LLB.

In homage to the tort law classic, Donoghue v Stevenson, Parnham planned on creating a “ginger beer themed enclosure,” according to her LinkedIn post. Unfortunately her hopes of a law-inspired snail habitat were soon “shattered” when her children named them Elsa, Anna, Turbo and Mr Shy.

The original 1932 case saw May Donoghue sue ginger beer manufacturer David Stevenson after she discovered a decomposing snail in her bottle of ginger beer. The House of Lords’ decision in the case established the civil law tort of negligence. The case is now a staple on law courses — and has made students ultra-cautious when consuming ginger beer.

This isn’t, however, the first time Donoghue v Stevenson-related news has graced the pages of Legal Cheek.

Earlier this year, Scottish artist Mandy McIntosh paid tribute to Paisley-born Donoghue by producing a bronze statue of her. The sculpture — which is based on a black and white photograph of Donoghue holding her twin granddaughters — will feature hand-coloured spirals and an oak plinth when complete.

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A London-based chambers has said ‘thanks, but no thanks’ to a traditional website in favour of a more eccentric online offering.

Vistors to the website of Whitestone Chambers — a recently-formed commercial set headed up by barrister Lawrence Power — are greeted with Harry Potter-esque magical smoke, which moves as you drag your cursor around the page.

Scrolling down the site, prospective clients can enjoy some artwork depicting naval warfare, numerous golden triangles, some guys wearing “Brixton” baseball caps and an ever-present spinning colour wheel in the corner.

There does, however, appear to be a number of typos on the new site, particularly on the set’s “capabilities” page. Take this extract under the heading “drafting”:

“We are specialist with documents that is how we were trained and what we continue to train together as a team. We do not do cut and copy. We think. We create. We solve. We work towards your goals when settleing contracts, structuring, creating compaies, M&A, joint ventures all baes on real, relevant research. If you are looking for true solutions based writers who understand the fundamentals of the written legal word then you have come to the right place.”

Issues aside, Whitestone’s recruitment page is also well worth a quick pit-stop. Users are taken on a journey across a rain-soaked cobbled road (think Game of Thrones meets Coronation Street) which, rather ominously, bears words such as “pupillage” and “tenancy”.

Whitestone Chambers has been approached for comment.

This isn’t the first time a chambers website has caught Legal Cheek’s eye: step forward London’s 15 New Bridge Street. In 2016, we noted that a member of the criminal set’s clerking team had punted for a very laidback profile photo.

Comments on this article are now closed.

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Beano has fired off what appears to be a spoof cease and desist letter to Conservative MP Jacob Rees-Mogg, requesting that he refrain from “masquerading” as Dennis the Menace’s arch-nemesis Walter the Softy.

The comic book company has written to the MP for North East Somerset claiming he has “adopted trademarked imagery and brand essences of the character to the benefit of enhancing your career and popularity.”

The ‘legal letter’, signed by Mike Stirling, head of Beano Studios in Scotland, goes on to “firmly request” that the well-known Eurosceptic “cease and desist in your ongoing impersonation” of Walter.

It’s come to our readers attention that @Jacob_Rees_Mogg has been masquerading as Beano character Walter Brown. A clear breach of our copyright. pic.twitter.com/voWQZ5VkPS

— Beano (@BeanoOfficial) April 4, 2018

The pink bowtie-wearing character, who does happen to bear a striking resemblance to the Eton-educated politician, first appeared in the Beano in 1953, and is often on the receiving end of Dennis and his friends’ bullying.

But it would appear Rees-Mogg has taken the Beano’s online banter in good spirits. Responding to the tweet, which at the time of writing has garnered more than 3,500 retweets, he said:

“I am flattered to be accused by the Beano’s legal eagles of imitating Walter the Softy whose powerful physical prowess is so much greater than my own.”

This isn’t the first time a cease and desist letter has been been used for comedic effect.

Last year, we reported that the manufacturers of Bud Light beer had sent a town crier with a calligraphy-covered scroll to the offices of a rival brewer, after the latter launched a new beer called “Dilly Dilly”. This phrase is a marketing slogan that features heavily in Bud Light’s popular US TV adverts, which are Medieval-themed.

Closer inspection of the legal letter parchment revealed the brewery could flog its existing stock of Dilly Dilly beer, but requested it refrain from selling future products under the catchy name.

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Lindsay Lohan has become the unlikely new face of a legal directory.

The Mean Girls star, who has had more than her fair share of brushes with the law, is now the official spokesperson of US website Lawyer.com, a law firm and lawyer search engine service.

Addressing the camera in a new advert for the site, Lohan tells viewers that when the website first reached out, “I was confused and a little scared as I thought I was in trouble”. The 31-year-old continues:

“But when they asked me to be their spokesperson, I was intrigued.”

Stood in what appears to an astroturfed office, the former child star pokes fun at her own legal mishaps, namely her many DUIs (driving under the influence): “Let’s not pretend like I didn’t get one… or two or three, or some others.”

Indeed, Lohan is a bold (or perhaps clever) choice for the ad given her recent run-ins with the law.

The actress — who also starred in films including The Parent Trap and Freaky Friday — was first arrested back in 2007 for driving under the influence and possession of cocaine after losing control of her car in Beverly Hills, California. Since then, Lohan has been arrested on several other occasions and has even served time behind bars after failing to attend her court-ordered weekly alcohol education classes.

Unphased by the actress’ lengthy rap sheet, Gerald Gorman, CEO of Lawyer.com, said:

“With Lindsay’s help, many more consumers can delight in the ease and speed of our services. Our team is already benefiting from Lindsay’s world class experience and we have many exciting plans for the 12-month engagement.”

It seems our cousins across the pond have a penchant for more liberal legal services marketing.

Take Texas lawyer Bryan Wilson by way of example. Known in legal circles as the Law Hawk, Wilson’s string of viral ads feature exploits including a jet-ski stunt, a flamethrower and Wilson catching a fish with his bare hands. City law firms, take note.

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Lawyers, it’s said, are problem-solvers, often faced with tricky legal questions that require expert skill and attention to consider and ultimately answer. But perhaps the biggest question of all is: how many barristers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Stumped? Thankfully, funnyman Wigapedia has asked a swathe of fellow barristers for their two cents on the matter, and here’s what they think:

The personal injury barrister

The personal injury barrister says absolutely none: in the absence of a full risk assessment, method statement, personal protective equipment review and work-equipment maintenance log for the stepladder and well as a definite history of lightbulb-related accidents going back at least three years.

The claims management company

But of course, the claims management company would say three. One to change the bulb, the second to kick away the ladder and the third to sue the lightbulb manufacturer for causing, permitting or suffering the creation of a trap or danger.

Property barrister

The property barrister would only do so having considered the under-leases and covenants from 1882 onwards regarding the respective obligations of all parties for the provision of tallow candles.

Family barrister

The family barrister would consult the agreed schedule of dates and times where lightbulb responsibilities are handed over as between spouses, cohabitees and ex-spouses which breaks down when a lightbulb actually needs changing and requires a five-day trial to resolve the issue.

Human rights barrister

The human rights barrister would say only one, but the lightbulb really has to want to change.

Commercial barrister

The commercial barrister would say that it requires four partners, a team of junior solicitors and a larger team of associates and trainees, alongside two silks and four juniors to draft the lightbulb change request and the lightbulb acquisition contract.

Professional negligence barrister

The professional negligence barrister would say two. One to change the bulb and another to sue the bulb-changer for doing it negligently.

Chancery barrister

The Chancery barrister would say that it’s such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the Light Bulb (Change) Illumination Act 1912 (as amended) and the detailed judicial guidance laid down thereafter.

Intellectual property barrister

The IP barrister would assert that the concept, idea, execution and property in a lightbulb is within the exclusive ownership of their client and any attempt the change the lightbulb would represent an interference with a proprietary right and accordingly here’s an injunction to stop you doing it.

Construction barrister

The construction barrister says that lightbulbs have not been incorporated into the Joint Contracts Tribunal (JCT) Agreement or the 327 annexes, and therefore they can definitely state there are no lightbulbs to change.

Public law barrister

The public law barrister says that they’d love to change the lightbulb, but cuts to legal aid have resulted in their not being able to afford luxuries such as ‘lightbulbs’ and ‘electricity’, and so they are launching a judicial review of darkness.

But the real answer is: “How many can you afford?”

Wigapedia (aka Colm Nugent) is a barrister at Hardwicke in Lincoln’s Inn in London.

Follow @Wigapedia

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A cheeky member of Kings Chambers has been caught making a rude hand gesture on Google Street View.

The amusing image (enlarged below) shows a smartly-dressed male flicking the Vs from one of the set’s windows in Leeds while taking a telephone call.

Fortunately, Google — which launched its Street View feature in the United Kingdom back in 2009 — has spared the unnamed man’s blushes and kindly blurred his face.

Let’s take a closer look.

Yep, looks like he’s giving the camera the Vs.

Thankfully, Kings Chambers have taken the Street View spot in their stride. A spokesperson told Legal Cheek:

“In response to this serious matter, we have impressed upon members the inherent dangers of animated phone calls while in public view — especially in instances where Google Street View cameras may be present. It is most unfortunate that this person has been photographed in the course of explaining two important points in a conversation. An internal motion to purchase new blinds has been passed and we would, of course, like to apologise for any inadvertent offence caused.”

Legal Cheek’s Chambers Most List 2018 shows Kings Chambers is one of the largest sets in the UK with 103 juniors and 19 QCs. It offers three pupillages annually with each boasting an award of £45,000.

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As 2018 gets underway, Lord Denning’s Ghost brings you his alternative predictions.

Spring

A photo of Allen & Overy’s senior partner skateboarding to work is leaked to Legal Cheek in late January — and promptly goes viral. “I don’t know what all the fuss is about. I’ve been Instagramming pics of myself skating since last summer,” says the magic circle chief. “But seeing as you ask, the backstory here is that some of the guys in Fuse, our new incubator for lawtech start-ups, suggested skateboarding as a way to get around. Being always open to innovation and new ideas this was a very natural step for me.”

A peruse of the partner’s Instagram shows further snaps of him laughing with friends at a bonfire of all of his suits and ties, and celebrating with his lifecoach after going fully vegan. There are also a series of arty selfies where he appears to be contemplating launching “a memoir/cookbook about my career and food journey to date”.

Anxious not to be outdone, days later fellow magic circle firm Linklaters announces that its new venture capital arm is taking a majority stake in a start-up that makes self-driving AI-propelled hoverboard stand-up desks. “At Linklaters we’ve been into stand-up desks since before they were cool,” says a spokesperson for the firm, “which means we are well-positioned to incorporate the latest self-driving AI-propelled hoverboard technology into our desks in a way that cuts through the hype.”

Meanwhile, over in Canary Wharf Clifford Chance shocks the legal world by turning its swimming pool into what the firm claims is ‘the world’s largest ever flat white’. In a statement Clifford Chance says:

“We are impressed by what has been going on over in Silicon Valley and Shoreditch. By applying our infrastructure and resources to a key aspect of this change we are confident that together we can all move forward successfully.”

An emergency board meeting is called at Freshfields in early March, with partners flown in from across the global to discuss what can be done to combat the extraordinary developments at A&O, Links and CC. A plan to replace meeting room biscuits with a range of avocado-based snacks is narrowly voted down on the grounds of being “too passé”. The firm instead shocks the corporate world by introducing a marijuana use pilot that, subject to local laws, allows trainees to smoke the drug at their desk if they are required to work beyond 9pm.

Having looked on with mild disdain at the antics of the rest of the magic circle, Slaughter and May quietly releases its own cryptocurrency after the Easter break. Bunhillium immediately soars in value by 5,000%.

Summer

Theresa May’s government finally collapses, with the catalyst believed to be an accident caused by government minister and former Linklaters lawyer Dominic Raab while testing a self-driving AI-propelled hoverboard stand-up desk as a favour to his old firm. With Chancellor Philip Hammond believing that the hoverboard was deliberately propelled into his shin by Raab as part of a Brexiteer conspiracy, the government descends into open warfare that May is unable to control — swiftly leading to a no-confidence vote.

In the ensuing General Election, Jeremy Corbyn’s Labour sweeps to power with a record majority. The party’s manifesto includes pledges to scrap all higher education fees, including for the GDL, LPC and BPTC, and bring in an “unlimited” legal aid budget. “Under this government there is no reason that every child cannot become a top human rights QC,” exclaims new Attorney General Shami Chakrabarti. There is an immediate quadrupling of applications to study law at university.

Autumn

A nationwide shortage of university law lecturers creates employment for the tens of thousands of law graduates who’ve previously been unable to obtain training contracts.

Such is the demand that law lecturer remuneration soars above the £140,000 salary paid by Kirkland & Ellis to its newly qualified solicitors (even if the new 90% top earner tax rate means the take-home amount is considerably lower).

In October Brexit is formally cancelled by Labour. An appeal against this decision is subsequently rejected by the Supreme Court. The Canary, which is now the only newspaper in Britain after the mainstream media was banned under Labour’s new freedom of expression laws, brands judges ‘Friends of the people’, before launching a campaign to permanently relocate the Supreme Court to Middlesbrough.

Winter

After reaching a value of £100 million per Bunhillium coin, giving it a market cap more than 15 times the value of Goldman Sachs, Slaughter and May’s cryptocurrency spectacularly plummets to zero overnight. As contagion spreads to the rest of Slaughters’ business, the firm is forced to relocate from its Bunhill Row office to a business park in Slough.

Corbyn’s government uses the Great Crypto Crash of November 2018 as an excuse to launch a crackdown on the excess of the big tech companies. Allen & Overy’s much-vaunted commitment to innovation means that it finds itself lumped into this category and becomes the first ever corporate law firm to be nationalised.

Terrified of meeting the same fate, Clifford Chance conducts a ceremonial ‘draining of the swamp’, where its swimming pool is emptied of coffee and filled once more with water. It is renamed the ‘John McDonnell Baths of the People’ and opened up to all of the country’s one million law students to use free of charge.

Similarly fearful, Linklaters quietly retires its self-driving AI-propelled hoverboard stand-up desk project citing “safety concerns” after the Raab incident. The firm is picketed daily by an angry mob of Tories furious about its role in Theresa May’s demise.

Only at Freshfields is there anything resembling calm, albeit largely thanks to the success of the marijuana pilot, since rolled out firm-wide in London and Manchester after Labour’s legalisation of drugs. A spin-off series of ‘Freshfields n’ Chill’ cafes are planned for the New Year — the first of a wave of diversification strategies that are set to sweep UK corporate law in 2019.

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The sometimes arcane language used by lawyers — and barristers in particular, can seem strange and unfamiliar to the lay client.

This is particularly the case in the client conference — an ancient ritualistic process in which the clients and their legal team huddle round mystical offerings of weak tea and slightly curled sandwiches to have a “discussion”.

In ‘the conference’ each person has a key role to play. The solicitor pretends to know why the conference is necessary, the barrister pretends to have read the papers, the insurer wonders why they’re paying good money for this and the client’s job is to nod and pretend to know what’s going on.

Here’s a handy explanatory table for lay clients and solicitors alike in an effort to make a little more sense of the whole thing:

Wigapedia (aka Colm Nugent) is a barrister at Hardwicke in Lincoln’s Inn in London.

Follow @Wigapedia

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Lawyers, despite being a stereotypically dull and conservative profession, sometimes have really, really great names.

Last year we brought you an article listing some of the best, including Sue Yoo, Harry Potter and Cinderela Guevara.

But why should the moniker fun end there? We’ve scoured far and wide for 12 more of the best funny lawyer names.

1. Janet Bernstein Teebagy

An unfortunate name, but that doesn’t seem to have hindered this Florida lawyer’s career. A former attorney at Greenberg Traurig, Janet Bernstein Teebagy is now the vice president and assistant general counsel of a building materials company.

2. Hugh Cumber

This 5 Stone Buildings barrister has a busy and diverse chancery practice, according to his chambers profile. His name also sounds like cucumber.

3. Robin Kills a Hundred

Ice Miller is a firm that will appear more than once in this list. A full-service outfit based in the states, Ice Miller is home to a legal assistant called Robin Kills a Hundred, apparently, who has worked there for 17 years.

4. B. Knox Dobbins

B. Knox Dobbins Of Counsel works at Eversheds Sutherland and has been a banking lawyer for 35 years. He’s actually been recognised as Atlanta Lawyer of the Year!

5. Debra Smilley-Weiner

Excellent name, excellent CV: Debra Smilley-Weiner is now general counsel at a cybersecurity firm.

6. Nigel Boobier

A partner at Osborne Clarke’s Bristol office, Nigel Boobier studied at the University of Birmingham and has also worked at DLA Piper.

7. Stephanie Wank Kofman

Stephanie Wank Kofman is a big deal: she’s the vice-president of litigation at Sony and a Harvard graduate. If Wank Kofman wasn’t enough wanks for you (sorry…), then there’s also Linda J. Wank, from a boutique law firm in New York called Frankfurt Kurnit Klein & Selz. And who could forgot Kim Wanker, the first ever female judge of rural Nevada?

8. David Smellie

Head of employment at Farrer & Co, when David Smellie isn’t in his Lincoln’s Inn Fields office, he’s on BBC’s Breakfast talking about child law issues.

9. Randy Wang

This unusually-named lawyer specialises in transactions and corporate finance at Bryan Cave, the firm in transatlantic merger talks with London-headquartered Berwin Leighton Paisner.

10. Holiday Banta

We told you law firm Ice Miller would get another mention in this list and I hope we didn’t disappoint you with Holiday Banta, a partner in intellectual property. We should say Ice Miller appears to have a penchant for attracting lawyers with strange names; its attorneys include: Samuel Beavers, Kristin McNulty McClellan and Freedom Smith.

11. James Counsell QC

Legal nominative determinism is the best: James Counsell of counsel (from Outer Temple Chambers) sits proudly alongside the likes of Igor Judge (a retired judge) and Hubert Legal (a legal adviser).

12. Jay Ze

Hailing from China, Eversheds Sutherland partner Jay Ze is qualified in England and has studied at the University of Bristol and the Oxford Institute of Legal Practice. But no he’s not married to Beyoncé.

The post From Holiday Banta to Debra Smilley-Weiner: The lawyers with the funniest names appeared first on Legal Cheek.

In a crowded market, claimant personal injury law firms have to push the boat out to get attention. One Warrington-based law firm, trading as ‘Sorry Mate’, has done just that with its memorable name and branding.

The firm’s lawyers are specialists in “two wheel claims” — representing claimant cyclists or motorcyclists who have been involved in an incident, such as road traffic collisions and pothole accidents. They will even represent them in claims where there hasn’t been a collision, the website describing its lawyers as: “the best, most dedicated, biker driven bunch of professionals.”

A post shared by Sorrymate.com (@sorrymateuk) on Apr 2, 2016 at 9:48am PDT

This is not the only firm to come up with a road user-friendly title.

Keepmeontheroad.co.uk is the website for the road transport defence team at Rothera Sharp, a long-established firm based in Nottingham. Velosure is a cycle insurer with a claims business which is part of KLS Law Solicitors, another Cheshire-based outfit. And then there’s Leech & Co, a firm in Manchester which too specialises in road traffic accidents…

Sometimes its the lawyers themselves who develop their own nicknames: readers will be familiar with the well-known Mr Loophole who defends footballers and other celebrities on driving-related offences.

There is also a Miss Justice out there who “defends drivers nationwide”. (Coincidentally, her real name is Jeanette Miller, not to be confused with Article 50 heroine Gina Miller, who might also want to lay claim to being Miss Justice one day…)

But trust us, it’s not just driving specialists who boast eye-catching firm names. Try Argue & Phibbs, or Partridge Allen.

The post There is actually a law firm called ‘Sorry Mate’ appeared first on Legal Cheek.

EXCLUSIVE: There was stifled laughter all round at Manchester County Court this morning when the case of Donoghue v Stevens appeared on the hearing list.

Unfortunately, the case — which is of course very similar in name to the 1932 tort law classic, Donoghue v Stevenson — has nothing to do with a snail or ginger beer, and actually involves a road traffic accident.

Manchester County Court’s hearing list shows that Donoghue v Stevens was heard at 10am this morning before District Judge Davies.

This isn’t the first time Donoghue v Stevenson has been given a modern twist.

Earlier this year, Legal Cheek reported that an Australian woman called Donna had discovered a dead lizard in a bottle of beer. Speaking at the time, Donna said she felt “really sick” when she saw the lizard and had lost around two kilograms in body weight following the ordeal.

The original case saw Mrs Donoghue sue ginger beer manufacturer Mr Stevenson after she discovered a decomposing snail in her bottle of ginger beer. The House of Lords’ decision in the case established the civil law tort of negligence.

The post Manchester County Court just heard a case called Donoghue v Stevens appeared first on Legal Cheek.

A photograph sent to Legal Cheek by one hungry Old Bailey attendee has revealed what lawyers and other court users are offered in the way of sustenance at the iconic London court.

The pic was taken inside the canteen of the Central Criminal Court of England and Wales, a building which has made appearances in the likes of Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, Law & Order: UK and Charles Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities. The photograph isn’t quite celebrity standard though, showing what appears to be a bleak breakfast offering of four sausages and three cheesy pastries.

A spokesperson for the City of London Corporation, the local authority responsible for the court, told Legal Cheek:

Catering at the Central Criminal Court (Old Bailey) is currently delivered by an external provider. Customer feedback about the standard of catering is usually very positive.

That said, a number of lawyers we spoke to didn’t seem too pleased with their court grub. Anonymous legal blogger the Secret Barrister told Legal Cheek that “court catering facilities vary, but as a whole have declined significantly over the last few years.” He continued:

It’s abominable considering that no one in a court centre is there by choice. We drag people into unheated, leaking wrecks of buildings and force them to sit around all day without anywhere to get food or water, and then wonder why repeat defendants resent the court system.

Another lawyer, not wishing to be named, told us she’s “lucky to get a cup of coffee at court nowadays, nevermind food!”

The Old Bailey’s breakfast snap isn’t the first time court catering has been called into question.

Several years ago, Legal Cheek published a comprehensive round-up of the more bizarre culinary offerings in courts across England and Wales. First up, there was this mushy peas masterpiece spotted at Woolwich Crown Court:

Followed by this tantalising teacake and butter combo courtesy of Luton Crown Court:

And who could forget Kingston Crown Court’s incredibly complicated scampi and yoghurt “lunch meal deal”.

Until August 2014, HM Courts & Tribunals Service (HMCTS) enjoyed a national catering contract with food services giant Eurest. Now, over three years on, Legal Cheek understands that many court canteens have been either replaced with vending machines or have closed altogether.

The post Court cuisine latest: The Old Bailey breakfast looks really underwhelming appeared first on Legal Cheek.

She is a family court usher “silently watching life played out in court”. She tweets about barristers, judges, court lists and corridor settlements.

Even though she has fewer than 40 tweets to her name, she has gained over 1,700 followers in just a couple of months. Brenda the Usher has become a Twitter sensation — and solicitors, QCs and trainees appear to love her. Some of our favourites include:

All my lovely barristers: two more files to read; half an eye on the telly and waiting for Deliveroo to arrive. It’s such a glamorous life.

— Brenda the Usher (@BrendatheUsher1) October 8, 2017

Always such excitement here when Mostyn J gives another judgment agreeing with himself. We can all hear him going up and down the corridor.

— Brenda the Usher (@BrendatheUsher1) September 29, 2017

Okay, fellow court ‘users’: keep it short; let’s get this list out of the way and let’s get out of here. Agreed? It’s Friday.

— Brenda the Usher (@BrendatheUsher1) September 8, 2017

One avid admirer wants her to do top family law organisation, Resolution’s, awards ceremony:

Last night I dreamed that @BrendatheUsher1 was handing out awards @YResnational Conference. Can we make this happen in real life?

— David James Lister (@MlSTERLlSTER) September 18, 2017

Brenda the Usher is the latest phenomenon in anonymous law-related fly-on-the-wall Twitter accounts, following in the footsteps of the Secret Barrister, the Secret Pupil and Ms Justice Prevailed.

The question we are all asking is: Brenda, are you for real?

Brenda could be an actual usher, one of the much-needed court staff in the Family Divison, preparing the courtroom for all those judges, barristers, and witnesses.

Or, on the other hand, she could be someone else entirely. Her insider knowledge is in no doubt but there’s something about her… Could she be, as one anonymous source posits, “a glove puppet account for one of the High Court judges”?

Remaining tightlipped over her true identity, Brenda told Legal Cheek:

I’m just plain old Brenda the Usher. Silently watching life played out in court and worrying about my lovely barristers.

The post Ushering in a new Twitter star appeared first on Legal Cheek.

The UK Independence Party (UKIP) has proudly unveiled its new logo at its annual conference in Torquay, Devon, today — but it may already look familiar to law students.

The eye-catching design, which apparently received a roar of approval from conference-going UKIPers, features the words “UKIP FOR THE NATION” alongside a purple lion’s head.

Given that the lion is regarded as a national symbol of England, it may be a fitting choice for UKIP. However, one Twitter-goer was quick to point out the similarities between UKIP’s new design and BPP Law School’s current logo.

Hey, UKIP. BPP University want their their logo back.

— Innocent Loverboy (@innocentlb) September 29, 2017

So, lets compare the two (for the avoidance of doubt, BPP’s is on the right):

BPP adopted its shield-shaped lion head logo in 2011 as part of a business-wide rebrand. It declined to comment on today’s news.

UKIP’s new design option has also apparently upset football bigwigs at the Premier League, whose logo features a purple lion’s head. The league is understood to be “consulting” its lawyers, according to a report in The Mirror.

Many on Twitter too noted the similarities between the political party’s design and the Premier League’s logo:

The @premierleague will be thrilled. ? https://t.co/GWXBcjL5vH

— Gary Lineker (@GaryLineker) September 29, 2017

UKIP are ripping off the Premier League for their new logo ?

(Pic via @danbloom1) pic.twitter.com/7qQ1ZYZR3U

— Laurie Hanna (@LaurieHanna) September 29, 2017

Please please please please please please please let Ukip voters choose the Premier League logo https://t.co/SqSlenjbt6

— Martin Belam (@MartinBelam) September 29, 2017

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The post UKIP’s new logo is uncomfortably similar to BPP’s appeared first on Legal Cheek.